Bro,

I think the application letter should not be in an email format. Maybe you would like to find out the name of the recruiter as well (from Augustine since he was from Navy recruitment)? You may also want to consider using transition phrase to start your second paragraph. In your third paragraph, avoid overused expression, change "I was able to work well" to "I worked well", remove "I am sure" from "I am sure that my previous...". Fourth paragraph, I think should change "I have been awarded..." to "I was awarded..." Overall, try to use conjuncts to link your sentences to ensure coherency.

Last paragraph, give a concluding sentence stating why you qualify for the job and why should they hire you.

Sign off with Yours Sincerely.

Hi Chris,

Agree with chee kian as above. Also, don't forget to include your contact information in the last paragraph.

I also did an e-mail version of an application letter so not sure if it's compulsory to have it in a written letter format. As for listing your qualities, try to link it with their requirements. Nevertheless, I can see your passion for the job especially in the first paragraph. However, do relate how your engineering degree 'puts you in a good position..."

Hope it helps.

Cheers

Hey dude,

When I read the first paragraph, I had tears in my eyes! So patriotic! But on a more serious note, it generally looks good. You've explained your motivations for pursuing the job and what qualities you possess that are suited for it.

Just to nitpick though, there is some grammar that can be improved. Perhaps you should run through everything with a fine tooth comb? Also talking about how your CCAs so briefly seems to be wasting an opportunity. You can elaborate on things like leadership, working in a team, discipline etc. Also as Chee kian noted, find out the name of the recruiter.

Cheers and good luck bro!

Hi guys,

Thank you for taking time off your hectic schedule to help review my application letter. Thank you CK for pointing out the grammatical errors, I will proceed with editing my draft and try to use conjuncts to link my sentences so as to ensure coherency.

CK’s and Malathi’s reviews have stated that I should elaborate more and relate to why I qualify for the job, and how my degree ‘put me in a good position’. I will put more thought into how to make the link and hence making my application letter more relevant.

As for my CCAs, I will also elaborate it more because the initial impression I have is that I will want to keep it short and concise. Not knowing that I have left out some highlights like representing my junior college in overseas competitions.

Thank you all for your crucial feedbacks so that I can improve my application letter, really appreciate your efforts.

Cheers
Chris

Hey buddy,

I hope my handwritten comments were of much use, anyway i see you have added a bunch of other stuff as well - which is good but please allow me to bring your attention to this paragraph:

In addition to my engineering and officer leadership (NS) background, I love to contribute back to society in different ways, like doing marathon runs at the age of 17 to raise funds for my school needy students. I pioneered my school’s successful old-item-collection drive in many neighborhoods to raise funds and recycle for our environment. I wish to do my part for the defense of Singapore’s water as the military expert.

Notice that there are many sentences beginning with "I" or with I as the subject - this needs revision. Can be quite tricky, but try your best?

Generally well written, but like what Govin said, the grammar can be improved.

Cheers,
Alvin

Hello liyuan!!

Your superb achievements and your passion for water-sports would definitely be a plus to your resume! oh and your cover letter is also clearly written.

I think writing abit more as to why you choose that job instead of the others would be quite good.

Gang Rui